Now that I’ve been diving into self development books and working to be a better person to myself and to others. I’ve stopped to think “Where does me truly come from?”, “Where was I, where am I going?”
This is me in high school, in the bad room.
High School Years
In my mind, I believe I was “hard to read”, were you thinking (if you are reading this and you know me) “Are you happy, upset… I can’t tell” What did it matter to you how I felt? You are either going to like me for me and my shitty ass attitude or my smiling fucking face once you got to know me and I opened up to you. If I feel a wall between us, no fucking way am I opening up. That’s just who I was, or how I felt I was towards everyone. I know I may have scared some people away because of it, didn’t make many friends, I don’t think, but that’s who I felt I was, then.
Cruisin’ Long Beach Harbor
Fast forward 20+ years…
WOW, what a bitch I was. I can say that about me now because I know what my attitude was like and yes, the wall. The wall of insecurities, we all have one and hide behind it or go behind it every once in a while. I catch myself hiding behind it sometimes and then wonder why? Why am I not open with everyone I meet, they have the right to know who I am, where I come from, maybe we have similarities. Maybe we have the same goals and ambitions… we just need to talk. Let’s have coffee, let’s talk about YOU. Who are you? What do you like to do? How are the kids? How are your parents, dead, alive? am I getting to nosy, too personal? Are you building your wall towards me as you read this? Yes, I can tell. I’ll stop…
Mindful Meditation
I started being more curious about people when I started meditating after I got laid off, I had more time for me and my awareness. 5 minutes to start and get used to this meditation stuff. Then it grew to 15 and 30 minutes. Not daily, now-a-days I’m too rushed for daily. The only time I did daily was when I started Kundalini Yoga at the park, that was really fun. Meditation, has calmed me. Has helped me see deeper into people without them having to say anything. <smile>
Curiosity builds awareness
I believe curiosity about each other builds awareness. However, I hope you understand I do have to ask, I do have to “get nosy” to get to who you are, what makes you go? What makes your essence, I ask for curiosity, I ask because I love what you are doing, where you are going or I just love your being, your essence… or maybe I’d like to help, or or or. Is it inappropriate? I won’t know until you tell me or I sense it, again I’ll stop but remember curiosity builds awareness and we learn from each other so stop hating the questions that come at you, just ask Why?
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